gone and back again.
October 10, 2009 at 9:09 pm 2 comments
the past two weekends i’ve been off campus. the first was a trip to the outer banks to catch up with friends and most recently i went on a retreat for my capstone class. both trips ended up being very needed and yet…when i return to campus things don’t make a lot of sense. when you have a trip that’s “very needed” breathing should be a bit easier upon one’s return right? not for me. when i’m back on campus i shut down. i don’t want to be here. i start to wonder if i’ll ever really be happy anywhere. i don’t want to do my homework. it’s all i can do to get myself to read. certain thoughts seem to never stop plaguing my mind. and i wonder what’s the point? why am i spending all this money to be enrolled in classes that don’t seem to matter. i realize more and more i’m not a strong student. i can’t keep on top of my studies because i never feel like i’m productive. and somedays as i sit here a wave of loneliness washes over me. so i ask again, will i be happy anywhere?
there’s more on my heart but an internet blog just isn’t the avenue to share it.
it all gets to be overwhelming and it clouds what’s really good.
its just one of those days.
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1.
nate mac | October 12, 2009 at 11:28 pm
I resonate with your words. I very much felt the same at times through school. I’d like to tell you that the feeling magically disappears forever, but not really. It comes back to me every so often, but I try to hold it in tension with all that I know God is doing with me, in me, and through me and not to let the discontent rule me. Its dangerous to let it be discouraging or a cause for inaction, but if you can use it to constructive means, I think it is good. It keeps me from settling into a comfortable self-sufficiency. I don’t like the feeling, but I just try my best to resolutely decide to not let that be the last word. I work at pushing through and deciding I will not play the victim in my circumstances, but push to discover that good again (because there is much). sometimes it just takes talking to a good friend to remember the blessings.
2.
cfhusband | October 16, 2009 at 12:09 am
you need some chocolate chip cookies!