sparkle.

Do you ever feel like you lose yourself somewhere?  You’ve rounded a corner, lost in thought and suddenly, there’s this sinking feeling that you dropped something.  You turn around and realize you haven’t seen it in a while.  Things had gotten too quiet but you didn’t realize it till now.  It takes you a while to retrace steps.  Ah!  There it is!  That part of yourself you never thought you’d loose.  Unfortunately, it’s that carelessness that left you behind.

I’ve loved calling myself a dreamer.  Since I was little I had dreams of living a bigger life.  Decisions became exciting and I wanted to live my life without regret.  Often times, it meant that I’d chose the path less traveled, the path less accepted.  The idea of following God in ways that were out of the box and slightly scary fueled my passions.  I was in forward motion.  These pages that filled these chapters were full of an idea that God was going to take care of me.  Money didn’t hinder.  I moved with confidence that dreams would happen and God would give me the guard rails when turns got steep.  A combination of wisdom gained from the past and a hunger for the future gave me momentum.  Yes, there were always pot holes, storms at times slowed me down but I tried to pay as close attention to the road signs as I possibly could.  But I kept cruise control on a little too long this time. I’ve hit the guard rails and mountains like  a pin ball but I’ve been in too much of a daze to notice till now.

I used to be a dreamer.  And then I had a mid-life crisis.  Or maybe it’s better coined as a quarter life crisis.  At least, I hope my life isn’t half way over.  I often find myself like Molly Mahoney in the movie Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium (A film about a magical toy story run by Mr. Magorium).  To most, it is a silly children’s movie.  But to me, it is a constant source of encouragement and inspiration.  Molly confides to Mr. Magorium early in the film that she feels stuck and unable to move forward in her dreams; uncertain of her life.  So he gives her a block of wood:  the con-grieve cube.  It is meant to help her unlock something great. She goes through the movie wrestling with herself and the changes that are rapidly taking place . You can tell she feels utterly lost.  She asks of her friend, “when you look at me what do you see?  Do you see a sparkle, something greater just waiting to get out?”

That is how I feel so much of the time.  I used to know that I was meant for greatness.  But the fears of “the real world” have scared me to pieces.  But I am now on a mission to reclaim my “sparkle” and live my life as blindingly as I can! :]