fork in the road.

so evidently i came to a fork in the road.  i’m gonna trust that i was focused on God’s leading that i completely missed the other path.  cause suddenly i’m going down this road that’s all new.  to be honest, this is scary!  “whoa!” is all i’m thinking.

recently i realized, “hey, i’m probably not going to be a youth pastor when i grow up.”  it’s not that i don’t have a heart for teenagers. cause i do!  i realized, thanks to my time on the outer banks, i get more enjoyment out of being a volunteer.  there’s a lot more freedom in volunteering and it gives one, in a lot of cases, more quality time with the teens.

but i’ve seen God work a lot more in my art ministry.  time and time again i come back to the reality that God wants to use every little tiny bit of us for His glory.  so i’ve been exploring that.  in the recent issue of relevant magazine, in an article called the not going back to school guide, i found my self completely inspired. a few days before i cracked open the magazine i had a lil freak out session about my life.  “oh great. now that i’m not going to be a youth pastor i have NO idea what this means for my life.”  i felt that since there weren’t any “specific” vocations that fit my passion entirely that i was somehow screwed.  oh me of little faith.

the article discussed free lancing for a while.  i’m very much a free-lancer. i sell earrings, paintings, i work many odd jobs, etc.  but i enjoyed that this was actually encouraged. that it was okay to do a lil bit o this and lil bit o that.  it started to reinforce inside of me the desire to live out all these lil things that make me me for the Kingdom.

something else it suggested doing was starting a 501(c)(3), ie a non-profit.  it gave a few websites to check out which started the proverbial ball rolling in my brain.  suddenly i thought, “oh my gosh i want to do this!”  while i lived on the outer banks i saw a need for something like a big complex [for teenagers] to hang out in.  a complex that would include a coffee house (i’m passionate about coffee houses. they promote community so well by just having a comfortable atmosphere to foster it in), an art studio (which would give people an outlet as well as a venue to showcase talent), lots of comfy areas for sitting, separate rooms for study groups/churches that need extra space and prayer, even possibly a radio station!

i once read somewhere that asked, “what if we dreamed God sized dreams?”

upon mulling all this over in my head, i was processing this with a friend of mine.  she suggested i check out the new business degree my college now offers. i was oblivious.  i looked at the curriculum and it looks like it would only take me an extra year to attain that degree.  it looks like a valuable tool i might need in my bag of tricks.

i’m just blown away.  the more i think about it the more i’m in awe of what’s been happening in my life to bring me to this point.  so much more of my time on the outer banks is starting to make sense!  i made many valuable connections, i discovered my passions in such a big way, etc… wow!

friends, all this thinking is terrifying! but it’s a healthy scary.  i’d like to think of it as fear of God.  i’m concidering things FAR bigger than myself.  and so far its just myself working towards this possible goal of a complex.  IF that’s what the Lord wants.  who knows, He might change everything again.  i’m just gonna start going with it and see what happens.

so i’m asking you to partner with me in prayer.

“You are reaching for something that is beating
I can’t believe I never noticed my heart before
Over and again, racing out of my skin
I can’t believe I’ve never noticed my heart before” –mutemath